Men Don't Understand Marriage

THE WHY SERIES
Essay #3 Men don’t Understand the simple Principles of running a Successful Marriage: Why?
Note: RCK wrote this for his oldest grandson, who will be married, August 2008.

June 7, 2008
Palm Springs, California
Dear Matt:
We received your wedding invitation today. Congratulations. I did not have a chance to get acquainted with your fiancée, Sarah, but I had the impression she is a nice person. There is nothing as fine as a really nice girl or as bad as a really bad one. But I know you have had some experience along those lines. Fortunately most young girls and women are of the nice variety.
When you are lucky enough to become associated with one of these gentle companions, your life will become so much better you will be astonished. The love of a good woman is the best gift you can have this side of heaven.
Just remember it is a two-way street. You must love her if you expect her to love you. We men often start taking our gentle companions for granted and we become negligent.
To keep love fresh there are certain things you must not forget to do:
1. Tell her at least once a day you love her. Don’t assume she knows this. She needs to hear it from you.
2. On special occasions when she has taken special pains with her appearance tell her she looks beautiful. No matter how often she tells you she wants to be appreciated for her intelligence, she still needs to know that you think she’s beautiful.
3. Sure you will have disagreements and spats but you need to tell her you’re sorry, FIRST! Never go to bed mad, just ask her to forgive you, whether you are right or wrong. You’ll probably be wrong most of the time anyway. There’s often a nice reward when you tell her you were wrong.
4. NEVER hit your wife, curse your wife, or be mean to your wife. If you are nice to her she will love you forever.
5. Remember, after you gain your gentle companion’s love, it is amazing what she will tolerate. All men will sometime or other act like a stupid jerk. It’s a given.
6. A loving wife will forgive you, a loving wife will always take your side, and a loving wife will bless you with children. She will take care of you when you’re sick, old, disabled, under any and all circumstances.
7. All women have little quirks that men don’t understand. Smile. Learn to put up with them.
8. What women expect from husbands: a. Protection. There are lots of bad guys out there who like to hurt women. You must be strong and brave even if you aren’t. b. Do the heavy lifting and reach things in high places. c. The garage, keep it and the car clean. Keep the car in good running order and gassed up. d. Learn to do small repairs.
9. Remember special days. Her birthday. If she says don’t bother to get me anything, this is a test. Your anniversary. Another test. She will not remind you when it is. Do not fail either of these tests.
10. Keep your family healthy, happy, fed, clothed and sheltered.
11. Make a good enough living to provide for the needs of your wife and children. It is your responsibility even if you have to work 7/24.
12. Spend time with your wife and children. They come first. Don’t neglect them to play golf with your buddies.
13. Your children are not just your wife’s responsibility, they are yours as well. They need to be taught good manners, good character, to be truthful, honest, and law abiding.
14. Plan ahead to give them a chance for a good education. Strive to make your children better than you are in every aspect of their lives.
15. Be faithful to your marriage vows.
Beyond this point there may be some differences of opinion as to how these suggestions might be accomplished. I personally believe that the old ways are the best because they are tried, tested and true.
I believe the best approach is to be faithful to God. Be a good Christian and everything will come up roses for you and your family. If Jesus loves you everything good will come your way. If God is with you who can be against you? The Holy Spirit will bless you and yours.
I am writing this letter because I didn’t have the opportunity to impact your life when you were growing up. I am telling you the wisdom I have gleaned from many years of living. God bless you and Sarah and may you have a wonderful life together.
Love,
Grandpa Robert Kittrell